The more I do life and the more I work with people, the more I see how strong the human need is to be understood by others. That feeling that somebody really gets us and knows us is so comforting. However in this day, people make less of an effort to understand others and deeply connect. And it really breaks the human heart when this happens to us. Recently I was in a situation where I felt really alone in my perspective and opinion. I ended up feeling frustrated and annoyed which meant I could not articulate myself well and as effectively as I really had hoped.
I got muddled and confused and broke down. I left feeling miserable. Then my
self-doubt kicked in and I really questioned whether I was processing things like the others in that situation and if I was hearing things right. I felt weak and useless and that I had let myself down. This was until later on when someone came to see me and the first thing they said was I felt exactly like you. And this changed everything. This person saw where I was coming from and connected to my frustrations and anger. I felt heard. Suddenly I wasn’t so crazy after all. But what if this interaction didn’t occur and I continued to feel misunderstood. What was the next best thing for me to do for myself to seek healing and movement away from the negativity that was festering inside of me. Really at the end of the day, we cannot rely on others to console us and help us to feel better. We must learn to do this for ourselves. Which I know is doable as I have overcome these feelings on my own in the past as have people I work with.
So here are some ideas for how to go beyond the feeling of being misunderstood.
Start by writing about your feelings and emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly. Explain on paper your frustrations and disappointments and loneliness.
Then write a letter of reply to yourself. Acknowledge yourself for being so open and trying your best. Tell yourself what is so great about you and why you shouldn’t give up. Come up with some compelling reasons for why you can you should keep at it and show up again.
Do a relaxation/letting go meditation to help release the pain and emotion.
Take on a completely new perspective. Make it crazy or far out there. What if I walked into it with these fresh eyes? How could I respond differently? And if they had understood me, how would I behave alternatively?
Nobody will ever quite understand us like we do ourselves so maybe it is time to give up that expectation and trade in the victim mentality that people need to get us and really start being content with connecting with ourselves and have faith we will attract those who will love to know us well. Write in your gratitude journal.
Try understanding others first. Do you show understanding and connection to other people? Start practicing this for others and giving them the feeling of acceptance and being understood and more of this will flow back to you.
Keep working on Project Me and building your own confidence. As your own self-worth grows there is less need for acceptance and understanding from others. You will be satisfied within anyway.
Remember understanding and respecting yourself should be your priority. Having a strong relationship between I and Me is the so important.
Aristotle says, ‘Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."