Two years ago this week my world changed.
In a moment my life fell to pieces. I remember it all like it was yesterday. One minute I was a part of a tight family unit and the next my husband and partner for 18 years was moving out. He no longer loved me he claimed. I was devastated. I shared this story publicly the other night at a coaching event. I decided it was time to show people that nothing is certain in life and even as a coach my world can crumble too. I was a mess for weeks even though not many people saw this. I had to be brave for my three children who had just had their lives turn upside down. I remember clearly lying on the bedroom floor broken. Feeling completely and utterly unlovable and undesirable and my life had suddenly become unrecognizable to the one I had been living for so many years. I made this mean my life was unlivable. How could I go on? What was the point?
Thankfully I had my coaching tools deep within me and a little voice spoke up inside me and said, "Reach out for support. You are worth it. It is not over for you yet." So I crawled up from the floor and rang a counsellor who helped me worked through my darkest moment. I had some realizations that were enough to get me through that day and then the next and then the next. I was still crawling and stumbling along. There was no sudden bounce back or spring back up moment. It was slow and painful but I became my most important client in those moments and I worked hard to take back my power and control of my own life. I surrounded myself with affirmations that hugely altered the voice in my head and which stated strong truths about me and my life that I started to embrace again. I built a loving and intimate tribe around me of fellow coaches and friends and family. They saw me through the darkness and lifted me whenever it was necessary. I recall texting my brother in law at midnight one night when my mind was taking me to dark places. He was online and ended up being the perfect person to chat to that night about life and god and what was important. Forever grateful for him in that moment. And I stayed in action. I refused to stay stuck. I moved my body. I got out in nature. I nourished myself with good food. I took myself out to the movies. I refocused on building my business. And piece by piece I started putting together me again BUT this time a stronger and more powerful me. A me that had discovered a whole new level of self-love and self-compassion.
So here I sit typing this two years later, I am more myself than ever before. I am happier now than ever before. I love life more than ever before. I am a better mother, a better friend, a better coach and even in a better relationship with my kid’s father as we raise our children despite being separated.
If you ever find yourself in a dark space where you feel like I did once upon a time and that life is unbearable start by telling yourself that you are completely enough and absolutely worth the fight OVER and OVER until it registers somewhere deeper within you. If you don’t believe it, trust me on this…KEEP doing it until you do.
THEN reach out. And reach out until you find somebody you are ready to have help assist in your rescue. This is vital. We often cannot accept the support and hear the wisdom and advice from those closest to us. But keep searching and searching until you find the right fit. DO NOT give up on this step. You need to build yourself a tribe of people who inspire you to get up each day and try again. People who have achieved goals that you desire to reach someday. People who accept you in your authentic being and also give you a nudge when needed.
NEXT take action. Get into action. Take massive action. You are worth fighting for so do whatever it takes and stay committed to living NO MATTER WHAT! Because you matter!
Ultimately the responsibility to LIVE and LOVE LIES WITH EACH OF US. NOBODY can ever meet your needs and help you and say what you want to hear until YOU like who you are and are open to welcoming happiness and love and support to enter your life. I know this well but I also know very well that your biggest BREAKDOWN can lead to your biggest BREAKTHROUGH!!!!
You are enough. Always.